Bali Hash House Harriers 2
BHHH2 Hash Trash Run #1368 Bumi Linggah, Batu Bulan
Our Lady of the Scraggly Parched Ex-Rice Paddy
As if concrete geese frozen in mid-flap, grinning Brahman bulls, leaping Japanese-oid fish and other puzzling statuary at Drunken Bastard’s pleasantly spacious, grassy, shady and clean hostelry grounds at Bumi Lingga last Saturday weren’t enough, not long after we had negotiated a shuffling departure in the blazing heat from this oddly themed but garden-like atmosphere, a much more befuddling sight caught us (me, anyway) utterly off guard.
As so often happens on this enchanted isle, the last thing you would expect to see reared up before us in a nothing-short-of-miraculous manner. At first it didn’t appear to be anything out of the ordinary. An ornately carved red brick Balinese structure with the usual decorative touches like something one would see in a temple stood in an unremarkable, scrubby and disused paddy. On closer inspection, inside a glassed off enclosure within it was housed none other than…Stormy Daniels, no, kidding… the Holy Mother herself in customary pose, hands out palms up in all her painted porcelain and be-robed glory. A clutch of Hashers issued various reactions: “Holy ….!”, “What the ….!” Even the Saviour was invoked, perhaps appropriately, who knows? Personally, I couldn’t have been more taken aback if Batman and his butler Alfred had been in there in flagrente delicto, trousers and Bat trunks around ankles.
The rest of the run was nowhere near as eventful, but it did have its moments. There were decent mountain and, a tad surprisingly, not too distant ocean views as well. Quite a bit of paddy with mature rice slightly waving in not exactly gale force winds, stiff breezes or mild zephyrs for that matter. Perhaps that was the point at which I broke wind causing the paddy to stir (and a dog started barking, of course). It was pretty friggin’ hot and we were sweating cobs for most of the exactly one hour that was the short run. There wasn’t a lot of jogging or trotting getting done especially on the last steaming asphalt section. Refreshing beverages have rarely been looked forward to with as much lust or consumed with so much relish and eagerness.
A circle slowly coagulated and before before you could say “he’s a bastard through and through” the Religious Advisor, Organ Grinder, had all individuals answering that description and who were in possession of a Decree Nisi front and center for well-deserved (apparently) down downs. The reason: It was Ex-Wives Day! No shit. You’ve got to hand it to the R.A., he’s a sharp eyed customer. Who knew? Yes it’s true, gentle reader, I don’t want to burst any bubbles here, but when man first crawled out of the primeval slime (it was a while ago) and got divorced, I’m afraid I was in that number.
It’s not as if I hug my Decree joyfully to my breast or prostrate myself reverentially in front of a lounge room shrine containing the sacred scroll itself, honest, but I’ve got one. The Grand Master then took center stage and delivered a “penetrating” ditty called “All Queers Together”. Ha ha, plop, was the sound made as we laughed our arses off. It was literally funnier than buggary.
Concrete Erection and Jangle Balls favored us with an (almost) harmonized rendition of the ultimate drinking man’s thinking song, Monty Python’s Piss Tank Philosophers: “There’s nothing Nietzsche couldn’t teach ya ‘bout the raising of the wrist, Socrates himself was permanently pissed”. It was a signal moment, the signal being that it lasted a moment (it’s not exactly Wagner’s four part ring trilogy).
Who cares? It was a lot more fun than German opera, at least I suspect as much, and we await next Saturday’s St. George’s Day run by Hares Zola the Rhodesian Ridgeback (a dog, with a fin) and Monty (her human) with baited (har) breath. Paint your dragon.
Bali Hash House Harriers 2
A drinking club with a running problem. Join Bali Hash House Harriers 2 every Saturday, Rain or Shine, for another great run in paradise.
Bali Hash House Harriers 2 the BEST Hash Kennel in Bali
2017 / 2018 run fees
MEMBER DRINKERS: Rp80,000
MEMBER NON-DRINKERS: Rp40,000
INDONESIAN VISITORS: Rp80,000
NON-INDONESIAN VISITORS: Rp120,000
KIDS UNDER 15 YEARS OLD: Rp10,000
BAR OPEN: 5:00 PM
CIRCLE STARTS: 5:30 PM
BAR CLOSES: END OF CIRCLE
The Official Beer of Bali Hash House Harriers 2 is Bintang Beer
2017 / 2018 Mis-Management
Grand Master: Nightjar
Hash Master: Muddy Man
On Sec: Spook
Hare Raiser: Allez Allez
Beer Master: Cane Rat
Hash Boutique: Muddy Girl
Religious Advisor: Organ Grinder
Hash Cash: Morning Glory
Hash Beans: Juliana & Sophie
Hash Flash: Pussy Delivery
Hash Maps: Serial Offender
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